MEETING IN A SUPERMARKET (part 2)

Receipt Q:

Hairspray, cigarettes and Ovaltine
It’s Saturday again. Saturdays are a lot like Mondays when you’ve seen sixty-six years of them like I have. In fact they’re just like any other day of the week for an old girl like me. It’s all the same. I wake up in the morning, take a glass full of Peach Schnapps and orange juice first thing to start the day, with a cigarette for breakfast. When that’s through, I put the curlers in my hair and give it a good dose of cheap hair spray, feed the cat, and settle down in front of the television with two waffles soaked in berry syrup. I find berry syrup goes well with a shot of amaretto and a cigarette. Last night I made a special trip to the grocery store however, because my grandchildren are coming to visit today. Nothing brightens up my life like they do. I bought them potato chips, Ritter Sport candies, and a coconut. I’m not sure what I will do with the coconut, but you know, kids these days are in to all sorts of strange things.

Crazed man eats cat
I’ve always had a particular interest in catching and killing my own food. Well, more of a longing to one day give it a shot. I’m just a huge fan of food. I guess if I was to catch more of what I eat myself, I would have a healthier diet, and believe me, I need to eat healthier - the doctor told me so. So a while ago I adopted a kitten. I live in the city, what other animals am I supposed to catch and eat? Pigeons? Since I didn’t want to have to wait forever for the kitten to be big and meaty, I started it off by fattening it up with meals consisting of a large can of wet cat food doused in berry syrup, sprinkled with a quarter of a bag of crushed potato chips, followed by various hard candies dissolved in warm milk for dessert and snacks in between. I think the cat seems about the right size now. I found a great gourmet coconut cat recipe online that I plan to use. Now, I’m not a violent man, nor do I know the first thing about euthanizing a small animal, so I decided to lace its food with hairspray and cigarettes for a while to see if this works. I guess I’ll have to add extra berry syrup on top of that.